


Forgiven

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e02 In the Shadow of Two Gunmen Part II, F/M, Original Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-10-12
Updated: 2000-10-12
Packaged: 2019-05-15 20:37:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14797559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A friend from CJ and Toby's past illustrates the connection they share.





	1. Forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own West Wing or related characters. I own the one you  
don't recognize.  
NOTES: I just thought of this on a whim. Gotta give the love to Toby. Make no  
mistake: This is Toby/Newbie and CJ/Danny, but I don't plan any sequels . . I  
think. I guess it depends on reactions.  
~~~~~~~~ denotes flashbacks  
SUMMARY: A friend from CJ and Toby's past illustrates the connection they  
share.  
SPOILER: "What Kind of Day Has It Been" and "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen"

Julie couldn't breathe very well. She had to though. She was worried as  
hell and they weren't letting her in. She paced in front of the security  
desk, wringing her hands. Did they really think she was going to hurt  
someone? She just wanted to see her friends, to make sure for herself that  
they were alive and breathing. It had been so long since she'd seen them, she  
needed to feel them in her arms. Of course, one of them wouldn't allow that,  
but she could at least see him.  
"What did you say your name was again?" The guard asked. Julie looked at  
him.  
"Juliet Hawthorne." She repeated eagerly, hoping this meant she could  
finally get in. He checked a list and then talked into the phone again.  
Finally he hung up and looked at her.  
"Wait here a moment. Miss Cregg is on her way." He replied. Julie  
breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. CJ was on her way. CJ was alive,  
walking around, on her way. Julie started to pace again, thinking about the  
days when the three of them used to hang out and have fun all the time. So  
many things had changed since then. Julie had had to say good-bye to CJ and  
then she truly messed things up with Toby. God, would he hate her for coming?  
"Julie." A weak voice exclaimed. Julie turned and met CJ's gaze. Without  
words, she moved forward and hugged her friend tightly. CJ hugged her back,  
chuckling very weakly.  
"Don't scare me like that, kiddo." Julie said softly before stepping back.  
"It's okay. I'm okay. I hit my head, but I'm intact. What are you doing  
here? Did you come all the way down here because of this?" CJ asked, actually  
quite touched. She hadn't seen Julie in nearly twenty years, and now it was  
as if nothing had ever changed.  
"I was in Dover to talk to some guys about a prospect when I heard the  
news. I didn't even stop to think. I got here as soon as I could. Are you  
sure you're okay? I mean, this is... Such a thing, CJ." Julie exclaimed  
weakly. CJ nodded and took Julie's hands in hers.  
"I know. I'm glad you're here. I'm a little busy, so I can't talk long,  
but I'm glad you're here." CJ replied with a weak smile. Julie nodded and  
then hesitated. CJ already knew the question. "He's okay too. He'd probably  
love to see you." She said softly. Julie smiled weakly and shook her head.  
"It ended badly between us, CJ, a long time ago. I mean, I would love to  
see him, to know that he's truly okay, but I'm going to have to live with  
your word for it." She said softly.  
"Or not." A soft male voice called out. Julie turned and saw Toby  
standing in the hallway doorframe. He looked so good. He'd aged about sixteen  
years, but he still looked like Toby. Julie looked at him with tears in her  
eyes and nodded slowly.  
"You're okay." She whispered. He nodded and moved towards her. CJ backed  
away as he pulled their old friend into his arms. Julie hugged him tightly  
and buried her face in his shoulder. "Thank God you're okay."  
"One of my friends is hurt." He whispered.  
"I know. I know, but..." Julie paused. "The way I hear it, Josh Lyman  
is a tough guy."  
"You're here." Toby stated softly. Julie pulled away to look him in the  
eye.  
"Of course." She replied. He hugged her again.  
"I'm glad." He said softly. He needed someone, someone who understood  
him, someone to hold him and tell him it was okay. CJ smiled and just waited.  
"That means a lot to me." Julie whispered. "I just had to see you guys,  
to know for myself that you were okay." Toby nodded and looked at CJ. The two  
of them had been through so much in the past twenty-four hours. Now the  
presence of their old friend helped them realize how much had brought them to  
this point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"You know, it occurs to me that you're an idiot." CJ teased. Toby rolled  
his eyes and sat down opposite his tall friend at the table. Julie chuckled  
and put her glass back on the table.  
"He's a political operative. The two things are synonymous, aren't they?"  
She asked with a grin. Toby glared at her, earning a small pout in return. He  
rolled his eyes and chuckled.  
"See, now why can't I do that?" CJ asked. The three twentysomethings  
chuckled under the California sun and relaxed in each other's company.  
"You can, but not with him. The thing about Toby Ziegler is that he's  
only susceptible to the charm of whichever lucky girl gets to kiss him on the  
cheek at the end of the day." Julie replied. Toby blushed a little and  
flashed her a look. Julie smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed even  
more and looked at his hands. CJ laughed and shook her head.  
"In the meantime..." Toby started, desperate to shift the attention  
off of him. "What are we going to do? I mean, CJ, you're gonna do what?"  
"I think I got a lineup for a job at this good PR firm. It's what I've  
always aimed to do." CJ reminded him. Toby nodded.  
"He's got a job working for a senatorial campaign." Julie said proudly.  
Toby waved his hands and sighed.  
"Which is amazing, considering my record." He muttered.  
"You've worked on two campaigns so far, Tobe. Third time's the charm."  
Julie assured him with a smile. He smiled weakly back and looked at CJ, who  
nodded her agreement.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"He was just sitting there, holding his chest, this eerie look on his  
face." Toby said softly as he leaned back against the couch. Julie was  
sitting next to him, her legs drawn up on to the couch as she listened to him  
intently. He stared at the ceiling and sighed. "I thought my heart was  
breaking. I thought... I thought he was dying. I couldn't breathe. I  
called for a doctor and... but I couldn't breathe." He whispered. Julie  
just nodded. He looked at her.  
"I saw the news..." She started slowly. "I mean, it's been sixteen  
years since we talked, but I had to see for myself. I thought... I thought  
you wouldn't see me, because of all that happened, but I had to try. I had to  
see that you were okay. Part of me just couldn't believe it without seeing  
it. I'm so sorry your friend was hurt." She whispered finally. He nodded and  
pulled her against his chest again.  
"I hope... I mean, he'd better be okay." Toby said softly, not wanting  
to talk of the past. Julie nodded and hugged him close.  
"He will be." She whispered. Toby smiled weakly.  
"You promise?" He asked. She chuckled.  
"Yeah, I promise." She said, giving into the old inside joke.

"CJ?" A soft, familiar voice asked through the doorway. CJ looked up and  
met Danny's gaze. "I know things have been so frenzied lately, and I'm sorry  
for the way I've been acting."  
"It's okay. You were doing your job." CJ said softly. Danny hesitated and  
then moved inside her office.  
"Yeah, I was, but I should have asked you. I should have been there for  
you. I guess I was just thrown off course, and staying in this professional  
state of mind helped me... I don't know, dissociate." He explained quickly  
but CJ just smiled and waved her hands to silence him.  
"It's okay. I mean, a lot has been going on. I understand, Danny. I do."  
She assured him quietly. With that she stood up and walked to him. "It's a  
hard thing, a tough thing, and we all just have to find our own way to deal  
with it." She added. Danny smiled weakly and nodded.  
"So how *are* you doing?" He whispered weakly. She smiled and just hugged  
him.  
"I'm not even sure." She replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"So this is it, you guys." CJ said with a smile as she stood in the  
airport terminal. Julie smiled and hugged her six foot tall friend, coming  
about three inches shorter. Then she stepped back while Toby followed suit  
hesitantly. He was never really good with hugging people.  
"This isn't it. It's just see you next time." Julie said with a weak  
smile as she felt Toby's arm slip around her waist. "I mean, sure, a  
continent separates us, but that doesn't matter. We'll see you in three  
weeks, right?"  
"That's right." Toby added. CJ smiled and looked at the terminal sign.  
"You two do right, okay?" She said weakly. Julie smiled and leaned into  
Toby. He smiled weakly and nodded.  
"Three weeks." Julie said as Toby pulled her gently towards the plane.  
"Three weeks." CJ repeated with a grin. Julie smiled and went with her  
fiancé.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toby opened his eyes and looked around. It was morning and he was still  
in his office. He had made it to Wednesday. He looked at his couch and saw  
Julie sleeping on the cushions. She'd always been a peaceful sleeper, but she  
didn't look as much right now. She was frowning in her sleep, tossing a  
little, her face contorted in worry. He glanced at the clock and saw that it  
was near five thirty. So much for it being morning. He looked at her again  
and found her eyes meeting his.  
"Bad dreams?" He asked softly. She sat up and rubbed her eyes as she  
nodded. He got up and moved to sit next to her. "Do you remember them?" He  
asked as she leaned against his side without thinking.  
"I dreamt I was there, but that I coiuldn't move." She said softly after  
a pause. "I dreamt that you and CJ were both shot... I couldn't get to you  
guys..." She trailed off with a shudder. He held her close and kissed her  
head. She buried her face in his chest and let him hold her.  
"I'm glad you're here, Julie. I'm glad you didn't let the past get in the  
way. A lot of things happened sixteen years ago. I'm just...I'm glad to  
have someone to talk to that I don't have to worry about as much as I do CJ  
or Josh. I know you're okay. I know you're going to be okay. I'm just so  
scared that none of the rest of us are." Toby said softly as he rested his  
chin on her head. "I know that I hurt you, but I want you to know that right  
now, this moment... You're my rock." He whispered. Julie closed her eyes  
and nodded.  
"I'll always be there for you, Toby. Whenever you need me. However you  
need me." She whispered. Toby looked into her eyes.  
"Don't say that unless you mean it." He whispered with a playful twinkle  
in his eye. She smiled in recognition.  
"I never say anything I don't mean." She whispered back. He smiled and  
nodded. Silence passed between them for a moment. And then Toby leaned  
forward and gently kissed her. A little surprised, Julie kissed him back  
willingly as the kiss deepened and he pulled her closer.

CJ looked at the old picture. It was wrinkled and faded, but the faces  
were still there. Two females and one male. The man, about twenty-five years  
old, was looking off somewhere in the distance, a sort of annoyed look on his  
face. The older of the two women was also the shorter of the two, hanging on  
the man's shoulder with a playful smirk on her face. And then the third  
woman, CJ knew all too well. Or she thought she did. She was never sure.  
How had things changed so much? When they were in their twenties, the  
world was ahead of them and they were going to seize the day. They were going  
to rule the world. After Monday night, it seemed the world ruled them. What  
would happen, now, she wasn't even sure. She hadn't slept in nearly three  
days. The thoughts and memories kept flooding back in different forms. She  
could remember the day that Toby had come to bring her on to the campaign.  
She could remember when the three weeks had come and gone, and the three of  
them had been together again. She could remember drifting apart. She could  
remember winning the presidency. She could remember seeing Julie's name in  
the bookstore and being proud of her writer friend.  
But she had never known what had happened between Toby and Julie. She  
just knew that one day, Julie had disappeared. And that's when the knots of  
friendship had really become untied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Toby!" CJ called through the crowd. It had been four months since she  
last saw her friend and when he'd called to say that his candidate was coming  
to California for a few days, she was more than happy to hear it. She was a  
bit confused that he didn't say anything about Julie or the wedding date, but  
still, she looked forward to seeing them again.  
"Hey, CJ." He said solemnly. It was then she noticed he was alone.  
"Where's Julie?" She asked, a bit confused.  
"She's not here." Toby said almost coldly. "And she's not coming."  
"I don't understand. What happened?" CJ asked weakly.  
"We broke up, CJ, and she disappeared. I haven't heard from her in weeks,  
okay? Don't ask, please. Just... talk to me. What's going on with you?" He  
asked weakly. CJ paused.  
"Toby..." She said hesitantly.  
"I can't talk about it, CJ. I can't, okay? It's complicated and I'm  
sorry." He replied before she could finish her thought. CJ hesitated and then  
nodded.  
"Okay. Come on. Let's get some lunch." She said softly and then led the  
way while Toby just nodded and followed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ginger, where's Toby?" CJ asked as she entered the communications  
bullpen. "Is Julie still here?"  
"He went home, and no, she's not. The First Lady dropped by and ordered  
him to go home and sleep." Ginger replied. "And last I heard, she was on her  
way to tell you the same thing."  
"I must have just missed her." CJ said with a smirk. "Thank God."  
"I heard that." Abbey's voice exclaimed. CJ smiled and faced her boss's  
wife.  
"Good morning, Mrs. Bartlet. How's the President doing?" CJ asked  
hopefully, trying to avoid the order and find out how the President was doing  
in the same move. Abbey paused.  
"He's up and walking about. He's coming home in about an hour." She  
replied finally. CJ hesitated.  
"And Josh?" She asked uncertainly.  
"He woke up last night. Said 'what's next'." Abbey said with a weak  
smile, not realizing that this CJ already knew. "They've got him stabilized  
for the moment and it looks good."  
"That's really good news." CJ said, more to herself than anyone else.  
Abbey nodded.  
"And you still need your rest. Go home, CJ. There's nothing else you can  
do today. Senior staff gets the day off today. If anything important happens,  
you'll be called." She said sternly.  
"With all due respect, Mrs. Bartlet. I'd prefer to stay here. I mean, if  
I went home, I'd be alone, and I really would rather not be. I feel better  
here, working and trying to--" CJ felt she had a leeway when Abbey  
interrupted.  
"There's no work to be done, CJ. Now we're just going to take a 24 hour  
break. Leo and the President both agreed. I understand that you don't want to  
be alone, but you seriously need sleep or you're no good to anyone." She  
said, halfway between the caring mother mode and the doctor mode. CJ paused  
and then nodded.  
"You have a point, ma'am. I just..." She said weakly.  
"Why don't you go up to the residence? You can sleep in one of our many  
"guest" rooms and you'll still be here. Okay?" Abbey suggested. CJ smiled  
weakly and nodded.  
"That sounds good, Ma'am." She replied.  
"Oh, please. Call me Abbey." The first lady replied before taking CJ's  
arm and leading her towards the residence.

TBC...

  

  


	2. Forgiven 2

RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own West Wing or related characters. I own the one you  
don't recognize.  
NOTES: See Part 1 ~~~~~~~~ denotes flashbacks  
SUMMARY: A friend from CJ and Toby's past illustrates the connection they  
share.  
SPOILER: "What Kind of Day Has It Been" and "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen"

Toby opened his eyes and glanced at the clock. Well, six hours wasn't too  
bad. His dreams weren't haunted as they were before. He felt like he'd  
actually slept peacefully. He had dreamt of the past; of meeting CJ and Julie  
back when he was still a young man.  
They'd met out of college. He was working on a governor campaign as a  
sort of lackey. CJ was in her last semester, working to become a PR  
specialist. Julie had graduated with many different interests, and had come  
into his office looking to interview the candidate. Toby didn't take much  
notice of her then until later when he'd accidentally, and quite literally,  
ran into CJ on a college campus. CJ had fallen down, bumping into Julie and  
knocking *her* down.  
Julie had been there for an alumni event. CJ was attending the place.  
Toby was there for a speech that his boss was giving. He'd never made it to  
the speech. It didn't matter. The guy lost anyway. Nothing could have made  
him win. He was a prick and the world could see it. Instead of going, he'd  
stopped to make sure they were both all right, recognized Julie and  
introduced himself to CJ. Since then, they'd just been friends. That's just  
the way it was. CJ was with a guy named Max back then, and was overjoyed when  
he and Julie hooked up. When she broke up with Max, they were both there for  
her, and the friendship endured.  
Then... After four years, they moved away. He'd asked Julie to be his  
wife and she went with him to New Jersey to help another prick run for  
senator. CJ had stayed in California to become what she'd always wanted to  
be. In New Jersey, he and Julie found an apartment. And then... Then. Toby  
thought about that day... Everything changed that day. He looked down at  
his side and kissed Julie's forehead. She murmured in her sleep and snuggled  
closer to him. He smiled and rested his chin against her head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Julie?" Toby called as he entered the apartment. Julie looked up and  
smiled at him.  
"Hey, babe. How was your day?" She asked as she got up and moved to greet  
him. He shrugged and tossed his jacket on the couch. She frowned when she saw  
the look on his face. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?"  
"Nothing. Grainer's a jerk. That's all." He muttered and collapsed on the  
couch. Julie sat next to him and played with his ear, trying to be comforting.  
"Then don't work for him." She suggested.  
"It pays." Toby retorted.  
"But what happens if he gets elected? I mean, do you really want to see  
him in the Senate if he's such an asshole? You've been complaining about him  
for a month now, Tobe." Julie pointed out. Toby sighed.  
"It's my job to get elected. I can't quit. We need the money." He  
exclaimed.  
"Your sanity is more important to me than money, Toby." Julie said with a  
weak smile. "You and I both know he's not going to get elected."  
"I don't know that, no." Toby retorted a little harshly.  
"Toby, he's a prick. You know it. You've got to find a candidate *worth*  
working for." Julie replied, slightly phased by his tone.  
"You know, I'm doing this for us. You could be a little more supportive."  
Toby retorted.  
"I thought that's what I *was* being. Toby, Grainer is driving you crazy.  
You *know* he doesn't deserve to be a senator, so why not find something else  
to do until a better candidate comes up. You could write for that radio  
program that you listen to all along." Julie suggested.  
"I'm a political operative, Julie, not some radio writer who hides behind  
the scenes. I can't do anything on the radio. If Grainer gets elected, he'll  
put me on his staff and then I can help him change the world, even if he's a  
jerk when no one's looking." Toby replied, sitting up straight and looking at  
her. "This is what I do. Politics is full of assholes, and part of working in  
there is doing what I have to in order to get the job done."  
"I understand that, Tobe, but if he drives you crazy, what good are you  
gonna do this country? You're gonna be crazy." Julie pointed out with a weak  
smirk. Toby rolled his eyes and got to his feet. Julie watched him as he  
started to pace.  
"You don't understand." He said as he crossed the room and turned back.  
"Then help me understand." She pleaded softly. "Use your words, Toby, the  
ones you use so well, and help me understand why you have to work for a guy  
who should *not* represent this state or this country, and who drives you a  
little bit more insane everyday. Help me understand why you can't do  
something else until a better opportunity comes along."  
"Because this is what I do!" Toby replied. "I get people elected!"  
"Forgive me for saying so, Toby, but you haven't done it yet." Julie  
retorted. He stopped and glared at her.  
"You're not forgiven." He growled.  
"Oh, Toby, this is stupid, okay? You wanna work for Grainer, and go  
insane, fine, do that. Don't take it out on me." Julie exclaimed as she got  
to her feet and headed out of the room.  
"Where are you going?" Toby snapped.  
"I've got a meeting." Julie replied calmly as she fished her jacket out  
of the closet.  
"With who?" He demanded.  
"Bill Stackhouse." She replied.  
"The candidate for governor?" Toby said as he stopped in his tracks.  
"Yeah, the candidate for governor, Tobe. I told you about this last  
night." She replied as she looked at him.  
"What are you doing talking to Stackhouse?"  
"We're talking about his campaign. He wants me to do a thing."  
"I don't like Stackhouse." Toby declared as he sat down at the table.  
"Good for you, Toby. I don't like Grainer." Julie replied as she gathered  
her notebook and pens. He glared at her.  
"Well, maybe you should just run off with Stackhouse then." He snapped.  
She rolled her eyes.  
"Whatever, Toby." She said softly and headed for the door. Toby looked at  
the table as he heard the door open and close again. Ten minutes later, he  
got up and went to the nearby bar to get drunk.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please take your seats." CJ called as  
she took her place at the podium. "We have to make this one short and sweet.  
Things are starting to calm down a little, so can we please keep it that  
way?" She said with a weak smile. The reporters took their seats and watched  
the press secretary carefully. Danny watched her the most of all.  
"First, the President is resting safely. He was released from the  
hospital at eleven fifteen this morning and made it safely back to the White  
House. He plans to return to work tomorrow. Yes, he is in full control." CJ  
said before the question could be asked. "Second, Joshua Lyman has been  
placed in a hospital room. His condition has been upgrade to stable. He has  
woken up and spoken to the President. He's currently resting at GW hospital."  
"CJ!"  
"CJ!"  
"CJ!"  
"Quick question, CJ!"  
"Oh, fine. Steve." CJ called.  
"What about the suspect in secret service custody?" Steve asked. "Is  
there any information you can give us?"  
"No. Jack." CJ replied, moving quickly. Steve sighed and scribbled on his  
notepad.  
"What can you tell us about the canopy issue?" Jack called, addressing an  
issue brought up by another reporter.  
"Secret service doesn't comment on procedure. Danny." CJ called.  
"What has been the general response from the field about the shooting?  
Has the White House been receiving calls and visits whereas they haven't  
before?" Danny asked, his question purposely vague.  
"Yes, that goes without saying. We've been receiving the regards and good  
wishes from people around the world." CJ said, a little confused.  
"Is it true that political writer and critic Juliet Hawthorne has come to  
the White house?" Danny asked. CJ paused. She'd forgotten how high-profile  
Julie had become over the years.  
"She is one of the many people who have dropped by, yes. Last question.  
Katie." CJ called.  
"What is going to be first on the President's agenda, now that he's back  
at work?" Katie asked.  
"We have mid term elections coming up and naturally we will be looking at  
the aftermath of the events of this last Monday." CJ replied. "That's it for  
right now. I'll talk to you later." She said quickly before moving out of the  
room. She hoped Danny was on her trail so she ask him why he mentioned Julie.  
Her hopes were answered.  
"Hey, CJ, are you okay? You get some sleep?" Danny asked as he leaned in  
through the door.  
"Yes, and yes. Why did you ask about Hawthorne?" CJ asked.  
"Because she's a prominent member of the political written world and I  
wanted to know if she was really here or not. It makes a better image for her  
and for the White house that so many people, so many *powerful* people are so  
touched by this one thing. I wanted to verify a source." Danny replied as he  
sat down on her couch. "Why, you know her?" CJ smiled weakly.  
"Just make yourself comfortable, why don't you?" She teased and sat next  
to him. He smiled and snuggled back into the couch.  
"Thank you, I think I will." He replied playfully.

"Welcome back, Toby." Ginger exclaimed as her boss strolled in the door.  
He grunted and went into his office. She smiled weakly and sat back down at  
her desk. Toby leaned out the door again.  
"How you doing, Ginger?" He asked absentmindedly as he thumbed through  
his messages. She looked at him, a little surprised.  
"I'm doing okay. How about you?" She asked. He looked at her and smiled a  
little.  
"Not too bad." He replied. "What do I have to do today?"  
"You have a staff meeting in about twenty minutes. The President's back  
and he wants to 'roll up his sleeves' apparently."  
"He always wants to roll up his sleeves. As long as it's only his  
sleeves, I'm fine with that. Ginger, I want you to block off an hour for me  
at lunchtime and then everything else, I live to your caution." Toby ordered  
before going back into his office while Ginger did as she was told.  
Toby sat down at his desk and then looked around his office. He nearly  
jumped when he saw that he had a visitor. "You're quiet, you know that?" He  
declared. CJ shrugged and leaned forward.  
"I just wanted to talk to you." She said finally. He nodded.  
"About what?" He asked.  
"The shooting. Josh. Us. Julie. This office. The past. The future.  
Danny--" CJ started to ramble.  
"Okay, so you want to talk about a lot of things, most of them personal.  
And you wanna do this now?" Toby asked. CJ rolled her eyes and stood up.  
"No, we don't have to do this now, but I want to remind you of several  
things. One, Julie is fairly high-profile now, when she wasn't then. If  
things happen,--" CJ started.  
"CJ, I really don't need this talk." Toby said softly.  
"Okay." CJ paused. "Second, Julie's my friend and I'd really like to  
know, as a friend, if my friends, you know, decide --"  
"CJ, I really don't need this talk." Toby repeated with a smirk. CJ  
smiled weakly. "I honestly don't know if anything's going to happen. I know  
that something has already, but... these things are fuzzy." CJ nodded.  
"Don't I know it." She murmured.  
"Danny?" Toby asked, raising an eyebrow. CJ shrugged, a little  
embarrassed. Toby paused. "CJ, I know we were all a lot closer twenty years  
ago, and I know that when Julie and I went through our . . thing, you were  
hurt. I'm sorry about that. I am. I'm also sorry that things have gotten so  
complicated."  
"It's not your fault, Toby." CJ said softly.  
"If only you knew... how much it was, CJ." Toby said softly. CJ  
frowned and then nodded. "If people want to know about me and Julie, tell  
them what you will. The fact is that we're... exploring."  
"Exploring. Well, I'll have to come up with something more pressworthy,  
but in the meantime, I'm glad." CJ said with a weak smile.  
"And you can explore too, you know?" Toby added. "We'd both be very happy  
if you did." He added with a smirk. CJ blushed a little.  
"You just stick to your own exploring." She retorted. There was a pause.  
"You doing okay?"  
"I'm a bit sore, but I'm okay." He admitted. "I talked more than I've  
ever talked before. She listened, and it was nice, and I guess I said a lot  
more than I'm used to saying." Toby replied. "How about you? How's your head?"  
"It's better than it was." CJ replied honestly. "Maybe I should use Julie  
as a sounding board."  
"She's good at that." Toby said softly.  
"Toby." CJ asked.  
"Yeah?"  
"Did you screw it up?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay." CJ said before leaving. Toby smiled weakly and leaned back in his  
chair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Toby, is that you?" Julie asked as she wiped the sleep from her eyes.  
Toby blinked a few times and looked around the room.  
"Possibly." He slurred.  
"Oh, God. So that's where you went." She said as she got up and walked  
towards him.  
"I went out and had a good time." He exclaimed drunkenly and took a  
tentative step forward. It was tentative enough to send him stumbling to the  
floor. Julie grabbed her robe and moved to his side.  
"Yeah, a good time, huh." She muttered.  
"How was Stackhouse?" He asked in an accusitory tone.  
"He was just fine." She retorted. "Let's get you up." She added as she  
took his arm. He shook her off and climbed to his feet.  
"Just fine." He slurred. "Fine."  
"Toby, just get into bed. You'll feel better tomorrow." Julie said as she  
tried to take off his jacket.  
"I feel fine!" He retorted. "I feel better than I have in ages. For once,  
I went out, on the town, just let myself go and didn't worry about a thing."  
"That's good. I'm glad you did that." Julie said softly. "I wish you  
could have done that without getting drunk."  
"What, I'm not good enough for you, huh?" Toby asked drunkenly. "My  
methods are my methods. If you loved me, you would accept me for who I am."  
"I love you, Toby, but this is not who you are." Julie retorted. "You're  
better than this. You're better than all of this."  
"I'm not!" Toby exclaimed as he leaned against the wall. "This is what I  
am. This is what I deserve to be."  
"That's not true." Julie said softly, trying not to let the tears come to  
her eyes.  
"You're better than this." Toby said finally. "You're better than me.  
You're better than this whole thing. You should leave." He added. "You should  
leave and find the life that you deserve."  
"But I don't want to leave, Toby. This is the life that we chose to  
share, isn't it? Through thick and thin." Julie replied.  
"It's too thin." Toby replied before stumbling out of the room. Julie sat  
down on the bed and rubbed her eyes. What was she doing? Everyday, Toby just  
drifted further and further away. This was the worst she'd ever seen him, and  
she wasn't even sure why.  
When Toby woke up the next morning, he was on the couch. He didn't  
remember getting a blanket, but he had found one covering him, tucked around  
him with a tender touch, he could tell. Julie... he'd yelled at her. He  
had to talk to her. He started to get up when he saw the envelope on the  
table. And he didn't have to read it. He didn't need to.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's about time you got here." A friendly, authoritative voice exclaimed  
as Toby and CJ moved through the doors. Toby smiled weakly.  
"I'm tempted to say that it's good to see you back on your feet again,  
sir, but then again, I wouldn't want to lie." He said as he closed the door  
and moved further into the room. Jed chuckled.  
"I know you don't mean that, Toby. It's good to see you guys too." Jed  
replied as he put a hand on Toby's shoulder.  
"It is good to see you up and about, Mr. President, and back to your  
normal self." CJ exclaimed.  
"I guess no one told you, I was never anyone other than myself." Jed said  
with a grin.  
"He was making jokes in the emergency room. Not good ones, but he was  
doing it." Leo added.  
"That's comforting. Maybe we'll get through this whole thing after all."  
CJ replied.  
"Of course we will." Sam said softly. Everyone looked at the young man  
who had yet to say anything in a long while.  
"Of course we will." Jed repeated. "Come on. Let's get down to business."  
He said with a grin. "If we're all ready?"  
"Yes, sir." Came the unianimous response.

TBC... .

  


	3. Forgiven 3

RATING: PG  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own West Wing or related characters. I own the one you  
don't recognize.  
NOTES: See Part 1 ~~~~~~~~ denotes flashbacks  
SUMMARY: A friend from CJ and Toby's past illustrates the connection they  
share.  
SPOILER: "What Kind of Day Has It Been" and "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen"

Toby walked through the hallways, deep in thought. He was drowning in  
memories of the past, the past of twenty years ago, and the past of three  
days ago, the past of his entire life flashing through his mind. A life that  
he'd done what with? For years, he was constantly pushing people away. He  
pushed his family away. He pushed Julie away. He pushed Andy away. He pushed  
everyone away. He was still doing it. He was tempted to do it now.  
As he turned into the communications bullpen, he saw Julie talking to  
Ginger. He saw her laugh. He felt the years disappear and the urge to push  
her away went with it. He moved forward and joined the conversation.  
"Now, Ginger, do we have a trespassing visitor?" He asked as he stepped  
forward and absentmindedly slipped an arm around Julie's waist. It was as if  
things had never changed. He was twenty-five years old again, the past  
becoming the future, one in which he wouldn't screw up.  
"Yes, but at least she's charming and she makes you a bit more  
tolerable." Ginger retorted, noting the arm around the waist.  
"Well, if that's not a compliment, I don't know what is." Julie replied  
with a smile.  
"Well, now I have to steal her, so Ginger, go back to whatever you're  
doing." Toby ordered as he pulled Julie into his office and closed the door.  
As soon as he heard the click of the latch, he pulled her against his body  
and pressed his lips to hers. She responded quickly as he pressed her against  
the door, kissing her rather deeply.  
"Um, it's good to see you too." She whispered when they finally broke  
apart.  
"I just realized something." Toby said softly before kissing her gently.  
"What's that?" She asked just as softly.  
"I realized that I was a jerk to you. A long time ago." He said  
seriously. She opened her mouth to say something but he stopped her with a  
gentle finger pressed to her lips. "And I don't know what's happening now  
except that I'm glad you're here and I honestly hope that you can stay here .  
. . forever." He paused as his words hit home. "Years ago, I was struggling  
to find out who I was, and in doing so, I screwed everything up. It became a  
pattern, Julie, and I still do it today. But I don't want to. I don't want to  
stay in this holding pattern, and I need someone to pull me out of it. Two  
days ago, my life flashed before my eyes. You were there, Julie. Two things I  
saw, caused me regret. One was David, and I'm going to take care of that. The  
other was you, and then I saw you at the front desk, and I knew that it meant  
that... It meant that it wasn't all lost."  
"Toby..." Julie whispered, but stopped when he smiled and pressed her  
a little closer to the door.  
"Help me. Please. I moved away from happiness, I've been moving for  
years. I can't do that anymore. I mean, I can still be the grouchy old guy  
that I am, that I can do." He said with a weak smile. "But I want someone to  
come home to. I want to talk to someone at the end of the day, to wake up  
with someone in the morning. I don't want to be the *lonely* grouchy old guy  
anymore."  
"Toby, this means a lot. And it's happening very fast." Julie whispered.  
"You've just gone through this incredibly stressful thing, and people tend to  
make hasty decisions in times of stress, decisions that they later regret."  
"Do you regret--" Toby started, frowning a little.  
"No. The truth is that I want to believe every single word you've just  
said, but I don't know if I can. Toby, are you still going to feel this way  
next week, next month, next year? Can you promise me that you will?" Toby  
paused and then smiled very weakly.  
"I promise." He said softly. She smiled weakly back.  
"I'm serious. This isn't about promises we can't keep." She whispered.  
"You don't know."  
"I do." He whispered.  
"Do you?" She asked hopefully. He nodded and kissed her gently.  
"Yeah, I do." He whispered. "And I promise you, every word I said is  
true." He added before kissing her again. Julie closed her eyes and kissed  
him back, slipping her arms around his neck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"You know what?" CJ asked as the three of them walked down the pier.  
Julie had managed to convince Toby to take the afternoon off so that they  
could go to the Santa Monica pier and have some fun.  
"No, I honestly don't know, but I assume you're going to tell me." Toby  
replied.  
"Us. She's going to tell us, silly." Julie interjected. Toby rolled his  
eyes playfully and looked at CJ who was chuckling.  
"What I was going to say, is that we should do this more often. Toby, you  
think you can stay here after your guy loses?" She asked.  
"Oh, very funny." Toby growled. Julie laughed and tickled his ear, which  
managed to placate him.  
"I don't know, CJ. In the long run, we just take it as it comes." Julie  
said finally. "I mean, to say anything right now would be to make a promise  
we might not necessarily be able to keep."  
"Why not? Let's make it our policy to always make promises we might not  
necessarily be able to keep." Toby suggested.  
"Oh, now there's an idea." CJ retorted.  
"I agree with Toby. Let's make it the law." Julie chorused.  
"You two are nuts." CJ interjected.  
"Only one thing I'm nuts about." Toby retorted before kissing Julie's  
neck. CJ smiled as she saw her friend blush.  
"I'm just saying, sometimes the truth isn't the best thing to say.  
Sometimes it's the most reassuring thing to hear someone make a promise, even  
if we all know such a thing is impossible to promise." Julie said, trying to  
regain her thoughts. "So what the hell?"  
"Okay, so promise me the three of us will always be together." CJ  
declared. Julie smiled.  
"I promise." She said. Then they both looked at Toby.  
"I promise." He said.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CJ looked at the clock and then looked at the wall.  
"You know..." A weak voice said. "If you keep doing that... you're  
gonna pull... a muscle in your neck..."  
"Yes, I knew that." CJ said with a smile as Donna got to her feet behind  
her.  
"Hey, Josh." Leo exclaimed.  
"I'm tired." The patient murmured.  
"You should be." Leo replied.  
"You've got quite a bit of people worried about you." CJ added as she  
glanced over at Donna. Josh moved his eyes to meet his assistant's. She  
smiled weakly. Josh smiled weakly back and then looked at CJ.  
"How's it going?" He asked weakly.  
"Things are going pretty well, especially now that you're back to the  
land of the living." She replied.  
"And you thought...you could get . . rid of me so easily." Josh said  
with a weak smile. Everyone chuckled.  
"Josh, I would never want to get rid of you." CJ replied.  
"Okay. So things are okay?" He asked.  
"Everything's fine." Leo interjected.  
"You promise?" Josh asked. Everyone paused.  
"We promise, Josh." CJ said finally. She paused. "I promise."

Toby stepped out into the cool air and looked around. He paid the taxi  
driver and then walked to the pier. It was a cool night on the East coast,  
and he wasn't honestly not sure why CJ had asked him to come here, but he had  
a feeling Julie was in on it too. He stepped out on to the wooden dock and  
looked around. Then he saw the two women that meant the most to him standing  
together on the edge of the pier. He smiled and stepped forward.  
"Somehow I think that this is not a good thing." He said softly as he  
walked forward. Julie turned and looked at him with a chuckle.  
"Since when is it ever?" She asked.  
"I'd answer that question, but I don't think it's a proper sentence."  
Toby retorted. "CJ, tell me why I'm freezing my ass off on the East coast  
shoreline?"  
"Because it's been twenty years since the three of us were together as  
friends and for crying out loud, I miss it." CJ replied.  
"But the thing is--" Julie started. "That things change, and that's a big  
deal. She dragged me out here too, Tobe." She added.  
"Yeah, well, her heart's in the right place, even if the sentiment puts  
me in freezing temperatures." Toby replied. Julie smiled and pulled him into  
a hug. CJ chuckled.  
"There. I'll keep you warm." Julie teased and pulled his arms around her  
waist. "And CJ, I was talking to this guy today, guy I know really well--"  
"Hey, CJ." A familiar voice exclaimed. CJ closed her eyes.  
"And the way I got it, seeing as how he's a nice good fan, I invited him  
along. I mean, he had lots of good, true mind you, things to say about you."  
Julie added. Toby poked her in the side.  
"Danny, did you sucker in my friend?" CJ asked.  
"Technically, she suckered me in." Danny pointed out.  
"Come on. Let's have some fun, okay?" Julie suggested. Toby chuckled and  
then nodded.  
"Yeah, CJ. Let's go back to old times. Danny can tag along." He said  
finally. Everyone stared at him in shock. "What?"  
"Who are you and what did you do with Toby Ziegler?" Danny asked.  
"I stole him." Julie replied. "Enjoy it while you can."  
"What she said." Toby added. "Come on." He said and took Julie's hand.  
"I'm hungry. Let's go eat something."  
"The man was born to lead." Julie said as she pushed CJ into Danny and  
followed the other man. Danny slipped his arms around CJ's waist with a grin  
and nodded.  
"So we going to get something to eat?" He asked softly.  
"One of these days, that charm of yours is gonna get *me* killed." She  
whispered before moving out of his arms. She grabbed his hand and followed  
her two friends. Danny just grinned like an idiot.

THE END


End file.
